Tuesday, February 28

Events ...

Yes yes I admit , I haven't been blogging much .... well here is a summary of what's been taking place in my life in the recent weeks ....


1. Roopy made it to KL in one piece :D thou delayed (nothing un-usual) and extended her stay (again nothing un-usual) we had loads of fun... missing her loads even as i type this entry out

2. Classes resumed two of my lecturers are okie , however there is 1 lecturer that seems to be getting on my nerves and if nothing is done, im afraid ill get a heart attack soon

3. I saw someone I wished I hadnt' seen while roopy was in KL .... yes she tried reasoning things out to me and so did reena however, fact still remained that it hurt .... still does probably always will

4. Today is my last day in BSD sigh, 11 years worth of wonderful memories ... memories i will forever treasure ....

Tuesday, February 14

Rang De Basanti

A movie that has captured the heart soul and mind of millions of indians around the world from the UK's to Malaysia ...not because of the brilliant actors that seemed to have slipped into the roles they played, but because the movie deals with what an indian would go through in india, and the irony is this happens to citizens in every country.. how their voices have been surpressed by the goverment and how we have all learnt with time to adjust to these situations, its a story of 5 friends and how they wanted to make a difference in the world, its a modern version of the many Bhagat Singh movies we've seen over the last couple of years....

Bhagat Singh, a known hero in the eyes of many indians accross the world , for it was he who had the strength to fight the English then, it was he who gave thousands of others the vision of seeing an independant India , he wasnt the only one who had that vision of an independant India along with him were Chandrashekar Azad , Rajguru, Sukhdev, Ram Prasad Bismil and countless others ... together these were the real hero's in the 1920's ...

Rang De Basanti made me realize alot of things today, and that is in the true words of the scriptwriter "no country is perfect, but it is us citizens who have to perfect it with time, if there is corruption we fight i;t not with war , not with blood , but with honesty ... join the police if you must, be a politician to get your views across if you must, but dont blaime your country for who you are today, because the first step towards a better country starts with you" we often blaime everyone except ourselves for the things that take place on a daily basis... although i do agree that it would be impossible to get our voices accross but truly the first step towards a better country or world takes a single step which Bhagat Singh, Chandrashekar Azad, Udham Singh, Sukhdev, Ram Prasad Bismil and Rajguru took years before India or even Malaysia had dreamt of Independence ......

Thursday, February 9

Of parting with friends

Early last year until perhaps sometime around october , I was convinced that tomorrow I would fly to Perth, Australia to finish up the remaining 3 semesters of my bachelors program. Initially when it had first started out, I was excited about the prospect of flying with Airin and Prema my two classmates who I've shared so much with during my last semester. As time passed, as much as there was excitement there was also fear, mostly of not doing well and adapting to new surroundings but I guess what scared me the most was taking up a huge amount of my parents life saving for my bachelors. I remained brave until the day we had the first pre-depature briefing, when I learnt that a good amount of money had to be paid in advance if I wanted to secure a seat in Murdoch, my parents were perhaps a little hesitant with my decision then to go to Murdoch especially since it was a semester earlier then I had actually planned... but nevertheless they gave me the support that I needed... but somehow I couldn't see myself taking such a big step, especially when I wasnt sure how well I would do in my then current semester, and paying a huge amount in advance and not being sure of the results was taking a huge risk, and I did not want to take that risk not knowing what was ahead of me. Then there were talks of a 3+0 murdoch program which a lot of the students had opted for, so after looking through the pro's and con's I decided to jump in the bandwagon and wait for the 3+0 program, it was still a risk nevertheless because there weren't any confirmations on when the program would begin but it would allow me to save some amount of money and perhaps be a little more independant...

Tomorrow 10th Febuary 2006, my two friends along with the rest of my classmates will be leaving the country to persue the final year in Murdoch University in their respective majors... I had met them briefly yesterday, to say our goodbyes and catch up on a few things before they bid farewell to Malaysia... I couldn't stop my tears .. yet I wasn't sure why I was crying to even begin with ... was it because I was being left behind? was it because I would miss them and the times we'd spent together , was it because things were not going to be the same again for me in class? It could be one or it could be all of those reasons above, yet it was a decision I had made for my life... mom want's me to transfer in July saying that I should expirence life and learn alot more then just being a good daughter or at the very least trying to be a good daughter at home.... however the decision is yet to be made... for now Room 308 will not be the same again, there will not be front row gossips with the laptop chicks (Airin and Me and then Prema joined in the laptop chicks group) , no more Tuesday and Thursday long break movies in 1Utmama , no more Group presentations with Airin which somehow we made an excellent team I think .... whatever said and done ... Airin and Prema were the 2 classmates that made me realize what friendship is truly about, being there for each other .... and accpeting me for the person that I was ... or rather became with their help ...

Saturday, February 4

feelings ......

when i ended things with him on december 30th 2005, i never thought it'd be so hard for me, there were times during that period when i had prayed that he would text me, or call me asking me to nt walk away the way i did..but as weeks passed i realized that he probably wanted me to leave, just like how everyone else has. i received a text from him on the 29th of jan asking me why i hadnt' kept in touch with him or if everything was okie for me. thou hurt and crushed with memories of the past, i choose to remain calm and told myself that "dimpy, be strong why cry later? when he' only going to leave at the end?, its best that you cry now and be strong later" with that i made myself all stronger and even sent him a rude text, hoping the msg would get across.

yesterday, as i was having lunch with mom in pj i turned around to take a look at this pool table with a score board next to it, and for a moment time stood still. there was a name scribbled on the board with his name on it, perhaps it wasnt his name, perhaps it was someone else who was also adressed by that name, all thoughts came bk to me... and i broke down in tears in the car...... and that is when mom looked at me and she understood the pain i was going through..... there are times when i wished i had never met him, there are times when i wish i would have igonred him just like i have igonred others in the virtual world.. there are times when i wish i had never believed a word he had said.......... was this supposed to be some lesson of life that i was to learn? what did he teach me? that love hurts ? that love is just a game to be played? and that marriage is of convinence ?

why couldn't he for a moment see how i felt? why couldnt he understand the pain ive been through ... why didnt he realize that no matter how far in life i go, no matter what happens to me or where i end up in life, he would probably be the only one my heart yearns for? it hurts and it hurts real bad, they say time is the biggest healer........ but how am i to heal when i know that every step i take somewhere something will remind me of him, and there is this fright in me that we'll bump into each other now that i spend most of my time in PJ. I wish i had answeres , i wish i had the solution .... but above and beyond all i wish he was mine, thou dreams never come true....... especially not mine